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Getting to the bottom of it: how the French wrote Britain’s national anthem


The Figaro sets the record straight: “God Save the Queen” (or King) was written and composed by the French, when another hole was found in the anus of Louis the 14th. Here’s the back story…

They operated on the fistula in Louis’ derrière, butt it wasn’t clear the king would survive. Worried courtiers, including Fanny, wrote a ‘get well, soon’ poem, and Lully put it to music. The requiem to a rectum worked, and the monarch’s plumbing problems were behind him!

An Englishman’s brown eye piqued when on a trip to Versailles he heard «Grand Dieu sauve le Roi.» He high-tailed it home and shared it with Haendel, whose cheeks smiled as he envisioned a fantastic addition to his “Water closet music” suite. He kept the catchy tune intact, translated the words, and presented it to the one holding the highest orifice on his country’s throne. In thanks, the composer received quite a booty.

Royal British buttocks have been fit ever since, some sitting for up to 70 years, due to loud imploring of the skies from subjects’ pie-holes praying for the cleanliness of their king’s kiester.

Posterior plagiarism proceeded to America, where citizens appropriated the ditty to make “My country tush of thee” praising the natural beauty of the country’s backside. In hindsight, the writer omitted obvious places of note such as the Barringer Crater, Jackson Hole, and of course the Grand Canyon.

To continue the tradition supporting heinie health, may I suggest you celebrate the #Jubilee by getting a colonoscopy!

Published intravel writing

One Comment

  1. Alex Viguier Alex Viguier

    Extremely witty and I am loving the puns ahahaha was laughing out loud in the office!! Also a very funny mix between the two cultures ahaha

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