No, you can’t show up with your own car to pass the test to get a French License. You must get a special rental car on the day. You’ll also need a special person, and a lot of other special things.
You know those trained animals at the circus who jump through hoop after hoop of fire at the cracking of a whip? This is a picture of one.
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Put me in, coach! You know that feeling. You want the at-bat. Hand me the mic. Pass me the ball. I’m ready. But you just don’t get your chance. You wait and you wait. How do you stay enthusiastic and prepared when it takes soooooo long!
In this chapter of French License, our hero gets antsy.
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This is it, the exciting climax you’ve been waiting for: the car chase sequence! Joe and Phil are forced into turbo mode by an administration slow on the starting gun. Start-sky and Hutch it’s called, for I needed a partner in crime for this episode of French License. Why? Well, we weren’t confirmed until the last minute that the test was happening. So, the race was on. Did we make it?
BTW, the car they use is even lamer than this replica. So is the driver.
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This is that Delacroix painting that I mention in the chapter ‘My Marianne takes charge.’ Marianne has come to symbolise France, and the Révolution, and topless dress which I hope comes back into style.
Here’s a dopey American paying homage to Delacroix on his lunch break:
Sings were getting a bit too serious around here. Oh, la la, getting a French License is so compliqué! You don’t need any papeurs to ride a pony! And if ze ‘orse get too out of control, I can brake by poking my ears out like zis!
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I was born in L.A., and now I live in Paris. So, I’ve been following the Olympic committee deliberations with great interest. When both were virtually guaranteed to each play host, I was pleased to not have to play favorites. I remember the disappointment around me when London won over Paris for the 2012 games, which turned into negative sniping at the organisers and unfounded accusations of cheating on the part of the Brits. The self-esteem of Parisians took a beating that day, as did their honor.
This time, Parisians should be happy. They really WILL host the Olympics. But the way it’s been awarded has sucked all the enthusiasm out of it. First, there was the acknowledgement that there will be two winners, diffusing excitement for any one city. Second, Paris decided to publicly state that they’re only interested if they can go first. Yet another gaffe by Mayor Hidalgo, painting the city into a corner. She really likes ultimatums. If she’s re-elected in 2020 (representing a party that scarcely exists anymore), she wants to bask in the glory of the ceremony. And Third, now we have to wait until September for the official announcement, when everybody knows already what the committee will say. There’s no Wow, no Ta-Da, no Voilà.
Personally, I’m glad for two reasons. 2024 marks the 100-year anniversary of the last Olympic games in Paris, the ‘Chariots of Fire’ games. (Did you notice I posted this at 19:24 Paris-time? I’m a magician!) It’s fitting that Paris will show off all that’s new, and all thats been preserved from that time. The earlier date is also fitting because Paris is ready. Paris has BEEN ready for awhile. Only slight infrastructure improvements are needed. Facilities, housing and transportation are in good working order. In chapter 6 of French License, I state some numbers concerning the amazing capacity Paris has for accomodating passengers and tourists. It’s high season here now, and you never feel stifled walking along the avenues, the parks, the sights. All those people are absorbed very smartly.
L.A., on the other hand, could use a bit more time, so 2028 sounds right to me. I’m thrilled about the new stadium for the Rams, and now it doesn’t need to be rushed. I’m happy to see the rail network grow, but it’s still inadequate, and underused. Plus, the fact that 11 years and several elections separate us from the L.A. games, there’s less temptation for politicians to use the win for their personal gain. There’s a real chance for planners to work on the things which are going to make a real difference for Angelinos in the long run.
Planning is what’s needed in L.A. because I don’t see the same scenario playing itself out as with the 1984 games. I remember back then everyone panicking about traffic gridlock because of all the visitors, with no viable way to move around except by the freeways. So, the locals scheduled a mass exodus. Meanwhile, Russia and the Eastern bloc countries didn’t come, drastically reducing foreign tourists. The result was the smoothest traffic in L.A. in years, and the most profitable games, as the USA swept most competitions, keeping visitors from Ohio sticking around and spending more dollars. That won’t happen again, and today’s Games are at least twice as big. L.A. needs massive investment, communication and coordination. 2028 should give them that time.
On a lighter note, my francophone friends will ‘amuse themselves’ at this food guide I found at a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles:
The last chapter of French License is entitled ‘Back to the Starting Line.’ Ten years have gone by since I began my quest for a driver’s license in Paris. Was all the effort worth it? Did I succeed?
When you read the book to find out, you’ll see that surprises are in store. Things didn’t turn out like I planned. The world has changed dramatically. I write about my transformation in the modern context. A decade is half a generation. I discover that more than a generation now separates me from the adolescents who are now of license-ready age. How are we different?
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Paris hates cars. This bonus chapter of French License diverges from my personal story and touches on a societal phenomenon, that of punishing car owners for every sin under the sun. Nowhere is this trend more prevalent than in Paris. The capital is riddled with land mines blowing up in driver’s faces everywhere they go. A license plate is an invitation to a firing squad, with the mayor shouting your death knell.
You think I’m exaggerating? Read this chapter to discover the facts.
Further reading for residents: 40 millions d’automobilistes
Update August 29- things are getting hotter under the mayor’s throne…
Everybody is incensed at the mayor. Hidalgo has arbitrarily done a land grab of streets and lanes, taking them away from cars, without consulting citizens, businesses that need to have goods delivered, commuters, or even the police who worry about being slowed down, or completely cutoff from coming to the aid of people. Her way of doing things has rubbed a lot of people the wrong way. A book will be released this week detailing her actions and reactions: Notre-Drame de Paris, by Airy Routier and Nadia Le Brun. No wonder Airy Routier is against her. Hidalgo is anti-car, and ‘routier’ means ‘truck driver.’
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Back to school in France coincides with the Rentrée littéraire, which is when most new books are released. It’s a vibrant period with events, signings, speeches and readers go wild with purchases, discovering new writers. In that spirit, I’m beginning a countdown to the rentrée.
There are about as many chapters in French License as there are days ’til then. So, each day, I’ll give you a peek into the contents of a chapter. This should help new readers discover the book. The sample only covers the first 5% of the book, the set-up. More of the juicy bits happen in the middle, then building to a climax at the end. The 42 chapters cover a decade of foibles. The countdown hors d’oeuvres should help you decide if you’d like a feast of French License on your table.
Thank you!
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