reminiscing far from home
Have you ever seen a square dance where everyone’s stationary? That’s the left turn do-si-do in France. This chapter of French License cites this bizarre ritual, and introduces you to donkey backs. They’re a lot less fun than they sound.
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I haven’t had too much success with car purchases. I’ve only ever bought two new cars in my life. Let the other suckers lose money on their shiny toys. I’ll get the car after it depreciates 30%. That still doesn’t mean it’s a good deal, especially when I’m picking. I’ve got a lousy record betting on the horses, er horsepower. In this chapter of French License, my roll came up snake eyes again. Neveragain.
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Dwayne is a character you’ll get to know quite well in French License. Here, is his Act III. He’s finally legit, but not too legit to quit.
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No expat story about France is complete without the obligatory mention of strikes. French License is no exception. Strikes are yet another inconvenience pushing my permit further into the future, further, further still… just out of reach…
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Oh, dear, the Deer chapter. Actually, the four-legged animal was far less a problem than the two-legged variety in this episode of French License. They say the five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Well the five stages of the permit process in France must be delaying the inevitable, submission, prolonged migraines, absurdity, and finally lowering your expectations. This is the absurdity chapter.
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How does a guy without a driver’s license get a Company Car? This chapter of French License explains how. And oh, what a car. The previous driver really did a number on it, leaving me with something in less than pristine, and less than hygienic condition.
This chapter also reveals a vast black market for getting out of trouble.
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Max is the name of this chapter in French License. It’s a departure in style, a one-way dialogue. The speaker is an office worker, and the conversation is taken liberally from one I overheard. I’ve tried to translate while keeping the feel and the tone. Mostly, you get the philosophy. How do you play a game that’s rigged against you? By cheating, of course. Maybe this is why soccer is so popular over here. Latin cultures appreciate a successful cheat, and cheer for their law-breaking player when he escapes punishment.
How will our speaker wriggle out of a speeding ticket?
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Maybe you saw my Facebook share about a French team making it to the Little League World Series this Summer? Baseball has been coming on in France for some time, and with the quality of coaching, it was just a matter of time before a squad broke through. Hopefully, the LLWS team will inspire more kids here to shoot for the stars.
As you might have guessed, this chapter of French License is about a field trip to a baseball tournament. Thankfully, I didn’t have to drive a long distance. But, even away from the wheel, the particularities of road rules in France still bit me in the butt.
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Hi zere, Bleu ‘ere wif a driving tip I learn in chapitre 26 of French License. Awwayz be looking left before making ze turn at an intersection.
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When is the point that you give up? That you simply lose all faith in the people who’ve strung you along, given you bad information, and broken countless promises. It’s not easy to cut yourself loose, without a net, when you’ve spent so much time, and money and emotional energy on these people. You want your investment to pay off. Walking away leaves you with zero. Less than zero, because not only have you lost something, you’ve got no one to guide you for the next steps. And guidance is what you need most of all.
In this chapter of French License, entitled ‘Free man in Paris,’ I used the title ironically, because it was nothing like the mood of that Joni Mitchell song. I come to the conclusion I need to change my path if I’m to get to my destination.
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